I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
