I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
