mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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