so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize