i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
