Well douche your snatch and let's go!
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
