If you die in college, do you die in real life?
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
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