Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
