Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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