Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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