There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Randomize