If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
