i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
