check it out our google latitudes are spooning
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
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