Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Everything about him screamed your future.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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