Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
