Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
