I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
