im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize