lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Randomize
