you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Randomize
