So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
