I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
