I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
