You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
