BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
