he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
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