I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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