you guys were way drunker than both of me
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize