I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
