please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
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