I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
