no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
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