i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Randomize
