So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
