Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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