As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
