Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
