If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
