Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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