Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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