I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
