Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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