Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
