fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
