the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
His nipple licking is glorious
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