Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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