He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
