Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Randomize
