No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize
