party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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