dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize