Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
