i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
