My hair reeks of homosexuality.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
