Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
