I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
