Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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