What a fucking waste of an outfit
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
