Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
