hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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