I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
