My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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