We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
