dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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