Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
