I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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