I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
