I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
