My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize