I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
