This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
