ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
