where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
