i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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