His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize