she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
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