At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
