if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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