she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize