i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Randomize
