HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Randomize