I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
