Kiss
Puke
i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
