Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
