did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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