2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize