then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
