so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
