I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
