I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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