Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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