dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Pants are for mortals
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
