She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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