my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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