dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
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