You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
