you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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