We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
