A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
