with your own penis?
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
handjob tips. give me some.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
