I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Randomize
