Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
