I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
