are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
