fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
