you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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