just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
This baby is an asshole
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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