Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
