i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
