I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
