I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
