She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
