Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize