question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
