her vagina looked like bernie madoff
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
