I feel like abortions should bother me more
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
