break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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