there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
