DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
