so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
