drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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