K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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