It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
When are your genitals available?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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