dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
